I am relieved to not have remembered the first couple months in detail after Tsiki passed.
The thought that any of us had to deal with losing him in the first place is painful enough.
The last time we were together was in January, and the cold weather is reminding me strongly of his presence.
How we would brush our teeth together every morning.
When Tsiki woke up in the morning, his mouth would always be crooked.
A little to the right side, as if someone numbed a corner of his mouth, as he would slowly waken, his grin would even out.
I pointed this out to him once. He never noticed it before.
We'd usually keep warm all wrapped up in our comforters watchingFuturama, Tsiki could never get enough of the episodes he downloaded, always wanting to watch one more before we retired into bed.
As I watched his videos and looked at his pictures, my loneliness for him runs deep.
I am learning to live again, but i'm scared, my fear is ever present and I miss Tsiki's life, his skin, his strength and his kisses, but because I will never forget those same things is why I will carry them on for him.
יום שלישי, נובמבר 15, 2005
אתה יודע שאני לא מתרפק על כלום.. אני דיי חי בהווה.
אבל דברים קורים פה כל הזמן, ואתה מפספס אותם..
דברים שאם היית חלק מהם היית כל כך נהנה!
איך אפשר ללכת לפני שהספקת לחוות את כל זה?
אני יודע שהחברים שלך מתגעגעים, ואני יודע שסוזי,
ואני הכי יודע שאמא, ואבא, וענת וגם עמוס.
אז למה לעזוב ככה באמצע? זה לא היה הזמן שלך.